By Cressida Landless
Happiness Coach
Sometimes life will throw something at you completely out of the blue and you have no idea how to handle it.
Things were floating along quite nicely and you weren’t really paying attention and then wham! Something happened. It could have been any number of things. Perhaps you lost your job or your relationship ended. It could have been something else such as a sudden big bill or an accident or illness.
The rug has been pulled from underneath you and you have lost your balance. Knowing how to cope with this is quite difficult. You don’t feel very strong and you certainly don’t feel brave. You may want to hide away and feel sorry for yourself.
Or you might prefer to put on a brave face and smile your way through, pretending that everything is as it always has been, which is just fine. We are all individual and we cope with our problems in different ways. People will always give you advice and sometimes it will be useful and sometimes it will not.
The most important thing when you are facing difficult times is to respect yourself and how you feel. Do what you want and not what others want you to do. This is something that is alien to a lot of people. It feels very wrong to do what you want and it feels selfish to do what is right for ourselves.
It is not selfish at all. In fact, it is selfish not to look after yourself. Because when you ignore yourself and treat yourself badly you risk becoming ill, mentally and physically. You may not realise it but when you deny yourself what you need you are actually harming yourself.
You may have the notion that it is somehow noble to suffer and that putting your needs at or near the top of the list makes you a bad person.
This is absolutely not the case. It is vital that you understand what you want and need. It is the only thing you can do for your own health and wellbeing. Looking after yourself is the most important thing you do in your life. When you feel that you are unimportant and must adapt to others and what they want, you are really betraying yourself and undermining your place on the earth.
Your main job is to look after yourself. Not in a selfish, self-absorbed way but in an honest way. If you need rest, take rest. If you need food, eat. If you need money, work. If you need a holiday, book it. If you need help, ask for it. There are so many ways to look after yourself that are not selfish, they are necessary.
So, if life serves you up a plate of lemons, make your own particular taste of lemonade, drink and enjoy!
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